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CONVERSATIONS WITH . . . Kendra Bryn Stewardson, recent recipient of the Jefferson Award
Just Kendra
By Kit Kennedy
I’m at the Cinch talking with Kendra Stewardson, carpenter, ex-door-gunner in Vietnam, care-giver, volunteer, and recipient of the Jefferson Award.
I first met you, Kendra, the Friday CBS 5-TV spotlighted you as a Jefferson Award recipient for your work with Project Homeless Connect. The Cinch gave you a standing ovation. Half an hour earlier you offered my partner Ann and I holiday cookies. Caregiver to the core, Kendra.
I won’t play off the word cookies, OK?
Good idea. Let’s begin with early Kendra.
I was Ken/Kenneth. Born in the early 50s in Morristown, NJ. My first memory of cross-dressing comes at the age of 5 donning pearls. I found them in a steamer trunk in my grandparents’ attic. Grandma and grandpa were a bit taken aback. I thought nothing of it. At that age, I had no shame. Actually, I was quite the tomboy. My natural haunt was climbing trees. I still have my butch side.
Kendra, I was born in Morristown Memorial Hospital. It takes only a brief conversation to be connected. When did you move to California?
The family moved to Marin when I was young. I think the reason was asthma. I’ve lived here since, except for my military gig.
Military sans pearls?
Yup. I enlisted in the army hell-bent they make a man out of me or I die. Well, not quite what I had in mind. I was a door-gunner in Nam for a year and then 2 years in Germany. My experience colors how I feel about Iraq. The similarities scare me. When are we going to learn that what we do to people and the earth matter? I’m an optimist, though. I do believe the earth will heal in another million years. Not so sure about us Homo sapiens.
What do you “fight” for now?
I’ll give you my top three.
I can be a warrior against bureaucracy. I live to put the practical
in place to help people who need the help.
Second, the often incredibly tough life transgenders face especially for compassionate acceptance.
And here’s my big one -- labels. I fight like heck not to have a label. Labels hurt. Rob us of being what we all share in common – our humanness.
So you changed from Ken to Kendra.
I knew at 27. Honestly, Kit, I’m not the Sabrina type, am I? Although I’m good at blushing.
I began transitioning in the early 1970s with hormones. The transsexual process has been my journey. I’ve always been attracted to women. As a pre-op transsexual, acceptance has been at times difficult. I don’t feel all that embraced by the Castro and generally lesbians don’t want much to do with me, especially as a potential “partner.”
Not to get too heavy, let me digress and tell a story that says acceptance can be humorous and totally a matter of perspective. I was walking in the Tenderloin along Polk. A man leaning against a building called after me, “You’re about the ugliest woman I’ve every seen.” I smiled and said “thank you.” You should have seen his expression of disbelief. I was grinning for blocks.
Where does Project Homeless Connect come in?
About 10 years ago I began taking 24/7 care for my mother who suffered from cancer and then Alzheimer’s. No one knows the terror until they confront Alzheimer’s on a personal level. My mom didn’t know I was her child. She knew me as the person who gently cared for her. When she died, I was totally broke. All my savings gone. I had made very good money as a skilled finishing carpenter for 31 years. I was homeless and broken in spirit/self-esteem. Someone from Project Homeless Connect found me sleeping on the street and said, “Excuse me, lady, can I get you some help?” That was the beginning of a new beginning.
Within two years, I was off the street, volunteering 50 hours a week, living in an SRO and my self-esteem in tact. At Project Homeless Connect, I oversee peer support, serve on the senior leadership team, and direct the speaker’s bureau.
What advice do you have for someone wishing to explore gender issues?
Talk to people you trust. Get plugged into the available resources. Use the Internet to explore. This is tricky; I’m not advocating experience on the Internet. Get information. Does that make sense, Kit?
Indeed it does, Kendra. How about something a bit more personal? Juicy.
OK, Kit, just for Betty’s List. I have a propensity for oysters. Yes, raw. Once I ate 108 of them in one sitting. A bit over-the-top, I realize. But I do love them.
Let me see, what other morsels I can share. I still have the first dress I ever wore in public. I was living in Marin driving into the city, and I remember putting on gloves so the toll person wouldn’t see my manicure. That was 1973. Silly but true.
By the way, that’s a nice manicure, Kendra.
One of my skills. I used to do my wife’s nails. And her brows!
Wife?
I was married; we had a son. We divorced when my son was 4 (he’s now 17). No interaction with either of them – not my choice. I hope someday he’ll try to find me.
Personal heroes, Kendra?
Maya Angelou, Margaret Thatcher, and Lita Ford.
Interesting trinity. Sorry, can’t place Lita Ford.
Lead guitarist for the all-girl The Runaways with Joan Jett. Rocker, glam metal singer/guitarist 1980s.
Talking about medal, how do you feel about the Jefferson Award?
Here’s the medal, Kit. Makes a nifty paperweight. Seriously, I’m proud and the letters of support I received which acknowledged me as a woman are immeasurable.
You enjoy being Kendra, don’t you?
I’m happiest when I have the opportunity to mentor/peer counsel in the transgender community. I remember when I began the process. Friends introduced me, “This is my friend Kendra, transsexual.” Then it became, “Kendra, the woman.” And gratefully now, it’s just Kendra. So refreshing. It’s an amazing time to be Kendra.
Any resolutions for 2007?
Continue. That covers it all.
Thanks, Kendra.
For more information on Connect TM, Project Homeless Connect, and the Jefferson award:
ConnectTM is a nonprofit inspired by the success of Project Homeless Connect, which has been adopted as a "national best model" by 80 cities across the United States in addition to engaging 19,707 volunteers from San Francisco and the greater Bay Area.
www.ProjectHomelessConnect.com
www.sfconnect.org
The Jefferson Awards are administered by the American Institute for Public Service, a national foundation established in 1972 to honor community service. The Jefferson Award is given to a Bay Area resident who has made a difference in the community. Recipients of the Jefferson Award are featured in the Chronicle, CBS 5-TV and KCBS-AM.
www.aips.org
Bio & Past Articles
Past Articles
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Conversations With. . . By Kit Kennedy
Kit Kennedy is a walker, reader, poet, cook for her friends, and lover of cheese. Her poems appear in All Things Girl, Arsenic Lobster, Bayou, Bombay Gin, Cezanne's Carrot, Erosha, FriGG, Gay & Lesbian Review, The Hiss Quarterly, Mannequin Envy, Pearl, Poetry Super Highway, Right Hand Pointing, Runes, Saranac Review, Sinister Wisdom, Triplopia, Van Gogh's Ear, and The Wild Goose Poetry Review. She hosts the monthly All Poets Welcome Reading Series at Gallery Cafe in San Francisco. She has published articles in the field of digital information and libraries. Kit works with Betty on the Betty's List Community LGBT Directory.
Kit lives with haiku, a precocious and gorgeous 3-year old tuxedo who, alas, has no interest in his namesake. Her partner is Ann Biderman (of Betty & Ann Present....). Kit can be reached at kit.kennedy@yahoo.com.
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