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The Rising Tide:
Philanthropy & Volunteerism in the LGBT Community
(click for bio & past articles)

Speaking My Mind . . .
Marriage, Religion & Activism

By Jody Cole, Philanthropic Adventurer

“What is it about me that is not fit to be married Mr. ‘President?’ Look me in the eye and tell me why I am not worthy or qualified to be married. Married to the person that I most love. The person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m mad, hurt and offended and you made me that way!”

Okay, so that didn’t really happen. But it’s what went through my mind in the wee hours of a long night in August 2004. That’s when my marriage to my partner had been stripped from me by the State of California and the “President" of our country had made his not so encouraging comments about same sex marriage.

I lay in bed in tears wondering why me? I don’t understand. I thought I was pretty normal, pretty regular and pretty capable of and deserving of very simple, and quite frankly, special things. Apparently not! That's how I felt, anyway.

What was even more astonishing to me is how much of an impact . . . a deep impact . . . this made on me personally. I was pissed. Madder than I think I’d been in years, since Reagan and all that star wars stuff.

I had been working on behalf of women and the LGBT community for years, advocating for our lives. It was suddenly my life that was being disrespected, and it had never occurred to me before that I was one of the very people I was fighting for. I thought, “after all the work I’ve done…” . . . and I was ashamed of my feelings.

I’ve just attended a program sponsored by the Horizon’s Foundation called “Moving the Religious Middle” with three brilliant religious leaders speaking from the Christian, Muslim and Jewish faiths and five of our very own LGBT leaders on the subject of same sex marriage.

It was suggested that if we want to make significant change within the faith communities, that change must be done from within the churches themselves . . . or, rather, that we go back to church, be a member and live our life openly. When the time is right, we must begin conversations with our fellow congregants and then with our church leaders.

For some odd reason that sounded appealing to me. The African American Baptist pastor invited me back “Home” to the church of my youth. With tears in my eyes and hope in my heart, I sat there ready to go!

Coincidentally, I was at another fantastic conference two weeks ago in Miami sponsored by GillAction, a political conference for leading LGBT philanthropists and our quite influential allies. It was suggested several times over that weekend that instead of whining about what politicians aren’t doing for us or what politicians to support who will honor our issues, that perhaps we should run for office ourselves instead of sitting around waiting for someone else to take care of our needs.

I recall that the first time this was suggested the 150 or so attendees reacted with a kind of explosive silence and a hint of “why didn’t I think of that?” I was floored.

It had never occurred to me. Which brings to mind what I read many years ago in Gloria Steinum's book Revolution from Within: after many years of working on behalf of women, fighting for women’s rights, etc., one morning she woke up and realized she was one. It was a big surprise! I remembered then, as I am re-realizing now, that I am one too! And it’s about damn time I put my money where my mouth is, or something like that . . .

Back when I was working to raise money to build the San Francisco LGBT Community Center, we racked our brains about finding women to be lead donors. A personal goal of mine was to bring in at least 30-40% of the founding donors to The Center as women. I wanted women to take an ownership in the very building we were building for them.

The campaign had been going for about a year when, quite literally, one morning I caught my own glimpse in the mirror. That voice of mine that has some actual authority said, “Jody why don’t you make a challenge to the women of San Francisco? Challenge them to match your leading gift?”

That very moment . . . and the subsequent action I took . . . changed my life. I not only came out as a woman with potential . . . someone who had the potential to give at a significantly higher level than had ever been given by a lesbian in San Francisco, but also that I was setting myself up as a leader. Eek! While it was scary, I have never regretted it.

What on earth does any of this have to do with anything, and in particular, what does it have to do with philanthropy?

Here’s the connection. If I am going to make change happen I have to do it myself or rather I must “be the change.” I’m not sure what church I’ll be joining. I was raised Presbyterian, but I’m not drawn there. Lucky for me I have such a sweet spouse. She has changed her schedule so we can go to church on Sunday mornings. She practices Buddhism, by the way, so she’s supporting my gripes. But I need to step into her offer and get myself to church. And while I’m not announcing anything, I haven’t ruled out running for office. It might just be fun.

And lastly, as a tribute to Gloria, I believe a “Revolution from Within” is a smashing idea. It’s time. Again, what does this have to with philanthropy?

Well, I’ve just described how to get involved. The other sort of philanthropy is money and giving it. I wrote my first check 22 years ago because I was pissed. Mad that all those adorable dolphins were dying in the name of my tuna and that those precious little baby seals were dying in the name of fashion. So I wrote the biggest check I had ever written to anything other than a utility company. I wrote Greenpeace a check for $25.00.

I can’t tell you how proud I was. It was a life changing experience. I never missed that money. And I haven’t looked back.

Bio & Past Articles

Past Articles

Betty's List Philanthropy & Volunteerism
Columnist Jody Cole

Jody Cole is a donor and philanthropic activist who was born and raised in Birmingham, AL. She moved to the Bay Area in 1984 and lived in San Francisco for 18 years before moving to her ranch in Mendocino County. She has spent the past 15 years focusing on human rights and animal welfare. She also encourages women, especially lesbians, to become more philanthropic.

Jody has supported non-profit organizations, special projects and LGBT candidates for elected office. Her fundraising experience includes serving as Capital Campaign Co-chair for the San Francisco LGBT Community Center Project, helping raise $15 million dollars to build the Center; Annual Giving class agent for her alma mater, Converse College in Spartanburg, SC; and fundraising leader for the National Center for Lesbian Rights, The Human Rights Campaign, Community United Against Violence, Lesbian Health Research Center at UCSF, and Woman Vision's “All God's Children” project directed by Dee Mosbacher.

She has also raised funds for election campaigns of Assemblywoman Carole Migden; Assemblyman Mark Leno and Hon. Roberta Achtenberg.

Currently, she is the Chair of the Board of Directors for The Pride Alliance Network in Mendocino County. Additional board experience includes Recovering Information Services, Inc. (1994); Resourceful Women (1994-1997); Community United Against Violence (1994-1998), and Community Center Project of San Francisco (1998 – 2002).

Jody has received numerous awards for her community work.

Additionally, she has served in volunteer and advisory capacities with ICON Newsmagazine, Carole Migden, Horizons Foundation, the Lavender Think Tank for the Reelection of Mayor Willie Brown, Pets In Need, and the Marine Mammal Center. She was co-producer of the Hopland Women's Festival from 1994 - 2004, a well-known women's music, comedy and crafts festival in Hopland, California.

In her spare time, she travels to Africa and has begun leading private trips to Sub-Saharan countries for those interested in a safari experience of a lifetime. Her highest achievement to date is successfully summiting Mount Kilimanjaro, Tanzania (19340') in 1998! She can be contacted at Wild Affair Productions, Ukaih, CA, via e-mail: Wildfair@Aol.com

Contributing Author Bio

Jeff Lewy has been active for more than three decades in the San Francisco Bay Area LGBT community as a donor, board member and activist for LGBT rights.

He is currently a member of the Board of Horizons Foundation, serving as co-chair for the organization's 25th Anniversary Gala. Horizons is the San Francisco Bay Area's LGBT community foundation. Jeff also serves on the Board of Continuum, a provider of health care for persons with HIV in the Tenderloin. He has previously served on the Boards of the Friends of the San Francisco Public Library and the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus.

Jeff is also actively involved with Lambda Legal, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, the Frontline Project of the American Civil Liberties Union, Equality California and other nonprofits and civil rights organizations.

A thought from Jeff: "It is clear to me that the elders of our community are my parents, and the youth of our community are my children. I want to do all I can to see that they have the financial and social backing to be full, happy, productive members of society."

Jeff Lewy can be reached at airbair@aol.com.